Better Life Discovery

    Personal Development & Self-Determination

    Browsing Posts tagged communication

    Many of the problems that we face on a daily basis result from poor communication skills and techniques. It is very easy to misinterpret what someone says and pursue a course of action only to discover later that you made a mistake.

    Who is to blame? Is it the sender or the receiver of the message? Should the sender have checked that the receiver understood? Should the receiver have checked to make sure his interpretation was correct?

    Sometimes time prevents double checking. Yet it is certain that if time was taken for this kind of double-checking, many difficulties would be prevented. Good communicators find time to double-check.

    Good communicators make people understand what they think, feel, believe, want, are doing, have done, or intend to do. When one person is confident that he understands what another person wants, then he can act accordingly.

    If he has any doubts, then his actions will be tentative and uncertain. This does not produce confidence or assurance. Moreover, when misunderstanding occurs and actions based on wrong assumptions are completed, much time is wasted repairing the damage. As well, trust and dependability are damaged.

    On the other hand, when good communication occurs, and each one knows exactly the desires and feelings of the other, all activities and assignments can be carried out with confidence and assurance. Peace of mind and fulfillment result.

    Conflicts, arguments, violence, misunderstanding, wars, and breakdowns in agreements and relationships are usually caused by dishonesty and deceit. These actions are in turn caused by jealousy, greed, pride, anger, hatred, and prejudice.

    People who want to rise above their neighbors in some way always resort to methods that encroach on the freedom of their fellowman. This will produce lack of communication rather than poor communication. The results are the same. Unhappiness for both the doer and the receiver, the offender and the victim.

    Can good communication skills prevent those who have ambitions to take advantage of their fellow man from doing so? This is doubtful. Only a change in character can stop a person who carries anger, hate, greed, jealousy pride, and prejudice in his heart from acting badly.

    But good communication can assist people who want to act kindly, generously, and compassionately to do the best they can in every situation. Communication can help find the best solution to any problem. Acting autonomously won’t.

    People who have difficulty interacting with others usually have problems communicating their attitudes, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, feelings, and needs to them, or understanding all these things.

    Good communication skills overcome these difficulties. However, the problem is not necessarily with the communication skills themselves. It is just as likely to be in the area of self-esteem. They can’t express their thoughts, attitudes, etc because their ego limits what they can reveal about themselves.

    Also, people won’t reveal much about what they think and how they feel to other people because they don’t want them to know. When asked, they give a non-committal answer or change the subject. This breaks the line of communication and little progress towards understanding, support, or co-operation is made.

    Good communication creates efficiency. The more precise and accurate communications are, whether they be in relationships, families, or elsewhere, the easier it is to understand them. Interaction and follow-up action is then quicker and more efficient. Everyone benefits because they know exactly what to do or where they stand.

    Good communicators can enlist support for themselves and others with a minimum amount of effort. They can obtain co-operation for their ideas and projects quicker and easier than others around them. This makes life easier and more productive and enjoyable.

    In general terms, not being able to communicate well causes a lot of frustration, stress, depression, and disappointment. This occurs because you can’t get across to people what you want or prefer and you can’t make them understand exactly how you feel.

    Consequently, you are treated differently from how you want to be treated, or you are put off or ignored because no-one can understand exactly what you want.

    But the person who communicates well avoids most of these frustrations and so they are much closer to a better life that they want.

    What Can We Do to Become Better Communicators?

    1. The first thing to do is to work on your self-esteem and the other noble human qualities. a better life personal development Course will certainly show you how to do this and also speed up the process.

    2. When you listen, always give the speaker 100% of your attention. Then try to understand what they are trying to say rather than what they are saying.

    3. Be honest and open in all your communications. This avoids having to cover up lies or confess to deceit. Limit the times you say what you think the other person wants to hear. Say what you regard is the truth.

    4. People will believe what you say with your expression, gestures, and body language before they will believe what you say. Make your words reflect your non-verbal communication, not the other way around.

    5. When it is important for understanding, check that you understand what someone says to you, and that they understand what you say to them.

    6. Separate your feelings for a person from your feelings about their actions. “It is not you I don’t like, it is what you did.” You can always then tell the person that if they repeat poor behaviour, then you have the right to change how you feel about them.

    7. Always make a person understand that you are helping him solve his problems rather than trying to get him to do something you want. This will backfire on you, however, if you are not sincere.

    8. Don’t terminate communications without either settling differences or making an appointment to settle them. On the other hand, do not try to settle conflict when the protagonists are upset and angry. Wait until everyone is calm and objective and can state their points of view without becoming emotional.

    9. When you are wrong, admit it and accept the consequences.

    10. Avoid contact with those who seek to upset you for their own personal satisfaction. These people do not have the right to make you listen to them. Walk away.

    11. Be ready to compromise when it is necessary, but don’t compromise what you believe is right.

    It may seem strange that the subject of communication would come up in personal development. But communication with other people is one of the most frequent and necessary things that we do. Our happiness, peace of mind, well-being, and fulfillment are affected do a great degree by our ability to communicate.

    The better we can communicate with other people, the more enjoyable our life will be. We will have greater success in helping people understand what we want. We will be able to express skillfully our feelings for them.

    By communicating well in every area of our lives, we run into fewer problems and difficulties in our relationships with other people in everything we do.

    Poor communication, on the other hand, can bring constant hardship, difficulty, and frustration, making an individual’s life stressful, miserable, and embarrassing.

    Since personal development is all about achieving a better life, it is in everyone’s best interests to achieve the highest level of skill possible in the art of communication.

    There are two essential attributes for good communication skills: self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence is necessary for public speaking. Self-esteem is essential for communicating to people on a daily basis.

    Behind these two attributes, however, are the noble human attributes. Our attitude to people is the factor that determines how well we communicate. If we have a great respect for other people, no matter what circumstances we find them in, then our ability to communicate with them successfully will also be high.

    Public speaking doesn’t require a high level of self-esteem, at least when viewed from the perspective of personal development. You only have to look at the characters of people who regularly speak in public to realize this.

    They may believe their level of self-esteem is high, but their behaviour away from the public eye contradicts this assertion. Their self-confidence may be high, and they may mistake this for self-esteem.

    Also, their estimation of their own importance may also be high, and this they also mistake for self-esteem. It seems that many people judge their importance by how many people know them. Thus the belief by people in the public eye that they are important. And, as a consequence, they believe they have high self-esteem.

    Public speakers may or may not be good communicators. Just because you are addressing groups of people all the time using one type of media or another, doesn’t necessarily make your communication skills above average.

    They may be good in this particular field of communication but poor in others. Self-confidence doesn’t necessarily make you good at communicating what you think or what you feel.

    The main concern with individuals interested in a better life is how they communicate on a daily basis to the people who they live, work, play, and socialize with.

    The two main areas of communication are transmitting information and receiving information. We transmit information through voice, writing, actions, gestures, and body language. Of most interest is speaking because this is how we communicate our thoughts, needs, desires, and feelings most of the time.

    We receive information with our senses, mainly hearing and seeing, although touch, smell, and taste are also important. Of these, listening is the most important and of most interest because this is how we interact with people most of the time.

    One of the major obstacles to effective communication is our tendency to not reveal too much about ourselves and how we really feel. The listener has to try to guess what the truth is by how we express ourselves and our body language.

    This is why self-esteem is so important in communication. The higher a person’s self-esteem, the less concerned he is about what people think of him. He doesn’t need to hide anything from others because he is comfortable about who and what he is.

    The rest of us with lower self-esteem filter the truth through our beliefs, doubts, guilts, desires, hang-ups, and self-consciousness. With so many concerns about what the listener is going to think about us, what we say is almost the opposite of what we mean.

    The other major obstacle to communication is our listening skills. We listen with our minds instead of with our hearts. Our minds hear words and translate them into images which we think the other person is trying to get across.

    Unfortunately, their understanding of words and phrases may be completely different from ours. Even the simplest words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ have different meanings in different situations to different people. How, then, are we going to interpret more complicated ideas correctly?

    A lot of the time, we listen half-heartedly. We hear half of what is said and fill in the blanks with what we think the person is going to say. We have decided what they are saying before they have finished speaking. This further complicates communication.

    Then we must consider the other person’s propensity to cover up the real message so that it doesn’t reveal what they really desire, think, or feel. If we listen with out minds, we have no chance of understanding what they mean.

    We have to listen with our hearts. We have to try to listen to the real message they want to give us. We listen to the meaning and the feelings expressed rather than the words being said.